Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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