Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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