he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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