I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dicks are not precious.
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Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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