this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i came on her dog
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
