i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
