So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
