I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
