is your mom at the bar?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
