Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
