turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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