Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
