Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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