I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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