I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
