clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
