The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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