Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
