That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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