His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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