Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
