You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
