i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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