i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
