I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
