Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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