8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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