R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
