you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
