ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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