I puked a lego.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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