Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
