farters have to be the big spoon...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
