do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
