Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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