just tell him i said nine months
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
