Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
