How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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