Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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