End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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