you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
