I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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