Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
