I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
