Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
