if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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