Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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