He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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