I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
