dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
