I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
