Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
