doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
