sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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