her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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