If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
