We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
