We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
