Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think my mom watched the whole time
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize