According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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