Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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